Short story.. (or excuses ?)

A hitman was looking for me.
I had to ship my grandmother's bones to India.
Someone slipped drugs in my drink last night.
I hurt myself bowling.
My cat unplugged my alarm clock.
I forgot what day of the week it was.

My curlers burned my hair and I had to go to the hairdresser.
I couldn't find my shoes.
I tripped over my dog and was knocked unconscious.
I forgot to come back to work after lunch.

A tree fell on my car.
I was spit on by a venomous snake.
I was sprayed by a skunk.
My brain went to sleep and I couldn't wake it up.
I totaled my wife's jeep in a collision with a cow.
My bus broke down and was held up by robbers.

I was arrested as a result of mistaken identity.
I had to be there for my husband's grand jury trial.
I eloped.

and again...
A hitman was looking for me. (Go to starting of the story)

Did the story made any sense ?
Were you able to find, whats the gender of the main character ?

It doesnt matter.

All those lines in the story, are some of the most unusual excuses workers gave for missing work. Below link takes you to that page.
http://msn.careerbuilder.com/custom/msn/careeradvice/viewarticle.aspx?articleid=458&SiteId=cbmsnhp4458&sc_extcmp=JS_458_home1&cbRecursionCnt=1&cbsid=6fe9ed019b234e8e8c8ab37bf861f17e-184362325-r7-1